I am full on aware of the feelings of guilt that comes when I do something that I didn’t want to do, but do you know that you could be feeling guilty for your whole life for something that you are not even aware of??
I tried my best to convience her. i kept pleading to her for mercy. I did my best to explain and tell her that whatever happenened was a mistake. but she was in no mood to understand me. My confidence in her that she would understand me was completely shatttered. And soon i lost my temper and did somethg worst, which i shouldn’t have done that day. I don’t know but i was very furious with her behaviour. She told me she would never call me again, and i was determined that i would never show my face to her again.
…how can I ever forget the day, how monster i acted being a total jerk. I guess forgiveness isn’t the way to just make me feel better. Though whatever forgiveness i get, m never gonna get out of it. I can never look into those eyes, which i always valued and respected. The bad emotions you feel at the moment of time are not simple that hurt someone special who always trusted you. Being insane got me to lose the trust for life time. Its very hard to be trusted but losing it is the worst part specially from the close one. In between the bad feelings you experience at the moment of time when u realize you are guilty is hard to change.
Its not that i just don’t realize my mistake but it happens frequently in another way though i might not be repeating the same mistake again. You know as much i try to be best, in some way something goes always wrong. As long as you are ignoring those long term problems and as long as you are indifferent towards solving them your feelings of guilt will always be there, you might not be aware of them because they will always be hiding in between other emotions but defiantly they will be contributing to your bad mood.
…mind can only hide the feelings and not the effect that results from them…
Thinking now of the things that I have always wanted to do in order to preserve my values but failed to do them, and decide that starting from this second am not going to give up and that I will keep trying until I do them.
I always had faith on our friendship, believed in it and still was expecting everything to be normal back again. Hope so everythg goes back on track again.
