G.F.

i have written almost 110 post out of which i have only published 104 articles and still 5 are draft(yet in public) & 1 deleted. But till now i have never written about you. So sorry, for being late. I don’t know how i missed that. But its better to be late than to be never, so here today i guess i don’t wanna miss the opportunity writing about you, m so glad & proud to call you as My Girlfriend; neither demanding nor complaining.

Being part of my life, my day starts with you and ends with you. You are smarty, genius, innocent, simple and above all you are always good to me. Ever since the time i have known you, my life has really turned and today what i am is really, you. M always grateful to you for being part of my life unconditionally.  The only one who never left me, the one who never knows to get angry, disappointed and even doesn’t care whatever i do or think. Never have to convince to make happy neither does to me. Life being without you even for a single day is miserable, seems to be suffocation for the time. From mine worst time to be with to the happiest moment, if am frustrated or disappointed then you cheer me up with romantic talks and when m excited then you make my excitement ever more better and cherish.

Its all credited to you, everyone knows me due to u. If i hadn’t met you then i wouldn’t have been upto whatever i am at the position now. Am myself really very proud to have you always by my side. People know me today, notices me while i walk on the road, try to give me lift, ask me how i am, when did i come bla bla… well it wouldn’t have been possible if i hadn’t met you at first place. The Time, moment before i met you was totally different, but now things have changed a lot, must say drastic changes. Though i know people have their own benefits in being touch with me, but i must say atleast people know me b’coz i met you and everyone around me are jealous of you being always with me, for me being so noticed by everyone now even around the world.

The moment i feel lonely and sit nearby you, it automatically makes me feel better, i don’t need anyone else than you. Nothing makes me so happy and always makes me occupied forgetting about all things happening around me. Well, i have to admire that with entertainment, you even provide me information about the stuff happening around the world. Keeping me aware with news update happening around.

Above all these, its always you who cares about me, though i don’t have much thoughts about caring about you. I apologize that even though you being so close to me, i don’t dedicate my time thinking about you. You the one who never ask me reasons, but always there to cheer me, keeping me away from troubles with others.

The time when you get angry with me, and you stop talking to me, its like whole a mess, i don’t wanna remember about. It causes me lots of trouble to deal with surrounding happening around. I just can’t concentrate on my work, whole day is wasted. Seriously, i wanna say is please don’t get angry with me, it really stops my world. Well, it doesn’t take much time for me to convince you and cheer you up, but still please please don’t want those type of moment to repeat.

Just remember; m always dedicated to you… life without you is impossible to live with…

…confession…

knowing you for all these times was the happiest moment of my life. Showing me the only one side of the life filling with full of smile(s) n teaching me to learn to live life for self and even for others.

Truly, mine rough days were over ever since the time we met. I had only heard that people being with bad friends makes you bad, but its me simple example guys, m the one who’s life drastically changed ever ‘the angel’ with good intentions enter into my life. Well, specially most  of the people whoever knows me now, doesn’t know me well b’coz its the only one side of me, which was totally different then few years back. I always lived with past, pain, sorrow and grief which lead my life almost to hell; thanks for the rescue.

Its time now, i guess for whatever am going to write is definitely gonna make me selfish; its true. Sometime selfishness if doing in someone’s fabour for better, is considered as good. M none to judge myself but truly to say am doing just for the benefit for both of us. Well, the time for this long being together and now suddenly m telling you that i wanna stop along the path after we walked together for this nearly one fourth part of our life. It isn’t that easy and so simple to end a relationship which carried on being so close for all these years. I won’t promise you that mine heart doesn’t cry or stop from beating with the feelings for you, but i would promise that your memories will always be with me along with me wherever i go.

Neither do i wanna blame the situation nor someone else for whatever happened so suddenly for making my mind to take such a big decision at the moment. All these time i had never been good to you, never made you feel even for a second that i liked you. The more effort i tried, i always failed in anyway and never succeed in fulfilling your wish the way you wanted to see me in. Never ever for one chance i guess in all these years made me feel that i had been upto you expectation; it never happened. I would neither deny that you aren’t the reason for whatever am standing on today. I know i can never ever thankyou with words for making me such a man which now everyone just likes me to be. I won’t say that i never fell for you, i fell many times, i was scared n m sacred of losing you in anyway so i just ignored my feelings having for you just being only a friend to you. You are my friend for always. Its not that m disappearing somewhere.

I know you need answers and asking for explanation  but please just don’t give a second thought for what i am doing. I know not so simple but still sometime, someway i had to… I just wanted it to finish in a mutual understanding. Sorry for being such a ……., but i don’t want to have any further mis-understanding between us because it might guide to terrible ending… I am well aware of the loss in my life but its my final decision, might b little too personal but m stuck with my decision n its final.

…gonna be a tough time…

fever

don’t know the exact reason y n how i got fever, cold, headache, cough all at a time… might b lots of reason.

but all i can say is its terrible to even think of suffering from any kind of sickness. As far as i remember i was once admitted to hospital due to typhoid for 4 days. I won’t say that m good in taking care of myself but well not that too much careless also, but just i try to fight with the nature and sometime causes me with nice punishment.  After i learn lesson still i repeat the same mistake and even i once again suffered frm typhiod but thank hadn’t been admitted this time. I actually hate docs and medicine.

The things you hate most always comes infront of you and you have to be involved in, you don’t want of. Hola tesaile garda, again n again i suffer.

Anyway here m just to say about the moment when you are sick n there’s none to look after you, when you desperately need people around you to take care of you, the moment you are helpless. Honestly i try to avoid giving trouble to people who cares about me.  But what to do, all wishes aren’t fulfilled in life. This time i had a good time on my holiday, being at home, gone Ktm, Biratnagar and then again BHD and then back to Kolkata. The whole climate, water and weather chances in sort period, so this time body couldn’t keep hold on with the weather changes. Whenever i return frm home then i suffer frm sickness in anyway. This time also as i reached kolkata, i felt uncomfortable with the environment, drinking cold water, getting wet in rain, which result to little headache n was expecting for fever to come. But when i truly knew that i am gonna suffer frm fever, i took it lightly and then whole night i suffered. In the middle of night i woke up and started crying, my whole body was paining and i wished somebody would get me medicine and make me feel better. But the worst part i was far away from home , just sitting and wishing only, nothing else could i do, not even sleep was coming. Didn’t know when i was asleep, lying on the wall, just like that for the whole night.

too much missing the warm care at this time of moment when you are too far frm close ones, moment u need the most care.

Early morning still i managed to take bath and then headed towards my office. Well, still suffering from fever, i reached, but as soon as i realized the office is centralized with AC, i quickly entered inside my room and switched off the AC of my room. More than 3 computers in my small server room, which is surely gonna keep me warm rather than cold. Fever continued for next few days at night, so i managed to take D-COld total tab, twice in a day. After two days i felt ok, but i could realize that now cold had started effecting me with unstoppable cough. Though i recovered from fever and cold, cough kept bothering me for nearly a month.

…आमाको काख भन्दा स्वर्ग कतै हुन्न …

aama ko nyano maya teti paiyena… tara aru ko herera, sarai chitta dukhcha, ani runa maan lagcha…

clarification: about her

clarification :about her’, thanks for all those comments i got. Truly hilarious with the way everyone are interpreting comments on my last article ‘about her‘.

Most of the friends asked about whom i have written, well let me clear its for and about nobody; none in particular. And m not in situation who loves a girl after not being loved back, m feeling bad or disappointed or sad or emotionally heart broken. Well, its nothing like that, I had written this article ‘about her‘, long time back but just published lately. So it nothing to worry about, just ignore the feelings i have about this girl, its just imagination and collective thoughts, nothing hard feelings.

Ya, i truly say that whatever i write ,  i write from my heart, true feelings as like i write rest of all post that i have post.

Just a thought nothing else rather than describing about a girl whom i think i know.

…character in the article ‘about her‘ is fictitious, any resemblance to any person is purely co-incidental…

Do you like the rain? How does it make you feel?

I am beginning to ramble on. Not much sense is being made. There is no aim, no purpose to what is being written. It is merely raining outside and I felt like writing.

Rainy Season these days, rain playing hide n seek for most of the time. As everyone knows the scientific reason for the cause of rain, m here just to mention that  Rain(Weather) can have an interesting influence on moods. Changes in sunlight, pressure, temperature and other factors can suddenly put the mind in a different frame.  We just seem to somehow feel different during different weather events. For example, if someone loves rain or snow fall they will get a special feeling of happiness when these events happen. It is simply a love for this type of weather!  This love can rub off on those around us. Romance can flourish when our minds are happy and stimulated.

Rain is as much a personification of sorrow as it is a symbol of joy and change.

As the weather changes, think about the way you feel. You will discover all sorts of interesting connections between your moods and romance depending on the weather. If there is weather that makes you happy then enjoy it and if it is unhappy weather think about how great it will be when the happy weather comes back.  Sometimes I find rain so romantic. Back from office, I feel the drops pelting me, sliding down my face, making me hard to see, and if I’m on a walk, I feel ancient and solid as a spirit passing through the earth. And that moment you don’t want the shower to stop.

I cannot go out in the rain, official employee. But watching the rain through the window glass is awesome, the wind, the rain, perfect comibination to make cool beautiful, leaving impression of romantic feelings inside you. Collective thoughts depending on my mood and health. Sometimes rain fits my mood perfectly. It fits more perfectly when i pass through the memory of walk had; slight rain, conversation with walk on.  I don’t think anyone forgets those moments.

So it’s raining… hardly people exists who doesn’t like being wet in rain. Rain has always held an affection over me. Well for as long as I can remember.

I always wondered what it was back when I was too young to know and used to take bath in rain for getting rid of skin diseases(old people used to say)…

In truth, this is all only true when the heart is ruled by happiness…